I really have to stop reading blogs of couples adopting babies from China. For one thing, it has me wanting to do it too, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing except in that my child-rearing days are several years off, if they ever come at all. But I’ve also started dreaming about it in odd ways.
Last night I dreamed that CJ adopted a baby from China (CJ is an ex of mine). First of all, CJ is not married, and second of all, he just became a father last year. I never pictured him as the father type. With the amount of sex he has, I’m not surprised he finally helped create a child, but, he has surprised me in that he really wants to be a father to his child. He is not with his “baby momma” anymore, and is dating a woman who I’m sure is very sweet, but whom I do not know personally.
In my dream, he and I were both in China, and I was along for the ride with an aoption group, but not actually adopting a baby myself. But when I saw CJ there, being handed a baby girl, I freaked out. “Wait! He’s not married! He can’t adopt a baby! What is *he* going to do with a baby?!” Wow. Unresolved issues from our relationship and bitterness over the fact that he became a parent first much? It’s not something I ever conciously thought about until this morning.
Part of the whole baby thing is also due in part I think to something I read yesterday on someone else’s blog (separate post to come about that), but I posted a while back about not knowing if I’d ever have kids, not even being sure if I wanted them anymore. But then I look at the number of baby related blogs I follow on a daily basis, and how obsessed I’ve gotten with adoption blogs lately (I’ve always known I wanted to adopt if I ever had kids) is making me think yeah, I really do want kids someday.