I completed my first 10K today (That medal is incomplete. It’s missing the surfer charm that says 10K on it, and that’s a half marathon lanyard. They ran out of 10K medals but I threatened to cry (I was dead last in the 10K, but dammit I finished) so the guy gave me an unfinished placeholder until they can mail me one). It’s not something I would have thought possible a year ago. I don’t think it’s something I would have done had my life gone the way I thought it would last year.

13 months ago this week my life changed in ways I never saw coming. Facing a move I didn’t want to make due to structural damage in my apartment, I seriously contemplated a move to Austin, Texas, from my current home in the SF Bay Area. There were many reasons to consider Austin, the main ones being that the cost of living is much lower there and I’d have Caryn (and family) and Keegan to cushion the blow of leaving the familiar. I flew out, interviewed for jobs, and was a dream candidate for one of the placement agencies I met with, who assured me they’d have a job for me when I arrived. But I still didn’t know what I wanted. Well, that’s not entirely true, I knew what I wanted, I just didn’t think I could afford it. It’s pricey to live here.

I came back, still not knowing what I was going to tell my boss. We had a conversation about salary- what I could make in Texas vs. staying at my job and what it would cost for me to continue to live here- which would require a substantial raise. His response to to my statement had me sure I was Texas bound. But then he opened his mouth and offered me something I never knew I wanted, and it was clear I was meant to stay.

Fast forward nearly a year and I’ve finished schooling my promotion required, joined a gym to try and lose the weight I’ve needed to lose for ages, and reconnected with an old friend who keeps getting me to sign up for these events… we did our first 5K in July, our first 10K today, and we’re signed up to do our first half marathon in May. We may even run a good chunk of it.

If I had moved to Texas, I think my life would be good and I would be happy. I’d miss family and friends here, but I would not have missed Caryn’s son’s entire first year- my one true regret about not moving there. But I would still be an admin. And I think I’d spend most of my time on my couch or someone else’s, hiding indoors from the Texas heat. There would have been no Color Run, and certainly no 10K by the ocean in my hometown with my oldest friend (we haven’t always been close but I’ve known Jen since I was a baby). Possibly not even a gym membership.

I am so blessed to have the life I have right now, at this moment, and to have been given this opportunity to to take control of my health on the path I’m currently on.

Certain to be updated, but wanted to put these here for now…

Marry someone amazing
Achieve and maintain a healthy weight
See a Broadway show ON a Broadway stage
Spend a few days just wandering around New York
Go to Maine with Laura
See the Mona Lisa
Knit 100 miles of yarn
Knit 100 sweaters
Knit 1000 hats (18/1000)
Visit Greece, Italy, Austria, Germany, New Zealand, Australia, England, Scotland, Ireland, Tahiti and Patagonia
Spend a week at an all inclusive resort somewhere warm and surrounded by water
Learn to surf

Wow, so y’all have quite different taste in music I guess… Here are the songs from the previous post. You should check them out, they’re good!

1. Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
2. Alejandro – Lady Gaga
4. Love in America – JTX
5. Animal – Neon Trees
7. Don’t Rain on My Parade – Glee (I know this is Streisand from Funny Girl, but the one on my ‘pod is Glee)
8. And the World Turned – Gabe Dixon Band
9. Secrets – One Republic
10. Home – Goo Goo Dolls
11. Love the Way you Lie – Eminem
12. The Time – Black Eyed Peas
13. Waiting for the End – Linkin Park
14. Leave a Light On – David Cook
15. Raise Your Glass – Pink
16. Last Night – Good Charlotte
17. Firework – Katy Perry
18. The Man Who Can’t Be Moved – The Script
19. Club Can’t Handle Me – Flo Rida
20. Come Back to Me – David Cook

So, the fashion a day thing didn’t work. I miss this blog and writing but I just feel like I never have time for it anymore. I rarely tweet anymore either. But I’m not ready to be done with this space. I’ve collected a few questions from friends to try and spur me to write again. For those of you still out there reading this, thanks for hanging in with me.

I’m going to try a 30 prompt thing I stole from Caryn (who in turn stole it from someone else so please forgive me if you are the originator of this list and I have not credited you) and see if I can’t post at least once a week or so.

I don’t post about my faith often, but when I do, it’s because it’s who I am and this is my space. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine, but this is my truth and I’m not going to argue with you about it.

Back lo these many years ago, I used to be on my church’s drama team, and I really enjoyed it. Our director wanted us to be able to focus totally and completely on rehearsal and not on the stresses of our daily lives, so she created something called Baggage. Baggage was these cards we’d fill out as soon as we walked in, where we’d write down everything that was weighing on our minds. We’d then place them in a basket. The theory was that by writing it out, we acknowledged that those things were there, we weren’t forgetting them or casting them aside as unimportant, but rather placing them elsewhere for safekeeping. At the end of rehearsal, we’d bring the basket to the center, and we’d pray over them. You could take yours back- sharing wasn’t a requirement- but since Christians are all about praying for each other, I seem to recall that being rare.

It feels like I’ve got a million things on my mind lately, and work is really busy and requires my full attention, so I’m going to attempt to leave things here for the day until I have the time to wrap my head around them again.

I cried myself to sleep last night, just sobbing to God about everything weighing so heavily on my heart, and I woke up feeling vaguely hungover (I’ve never actually HAD a hangover, but I would imagine they feel vaguely like this). I’m sad and angry today. I’m sad at situations that have arisen, at discoveries I have made, and at the way recent days have unfolded. I’m sad that I seem to be back in a place where I’m not trusting God with things. But I’m so angry at Him right now, that I feel like I don’t want to trust. I used to be glad that He guarded my heart and kept me from making decisions that would ultimately lead to regret. But right now I feel like in doing so He is taking away my free will. I’m angry because I think He might have answered a prayer, but not in the way I wanted. I’m angry because if He did answer it, He did it in an incredibly painful way, and I just don’t understand. I’m hurt, and angry, and sad, and it just really sucks.

I’m sitting at my desk right now, needing to be doing about 8 things other than what I’m doing, but taking five minutes to just try and get this out of my head while tears brim in my eyes and I desperately hope my coworkers don’t notice how red they are. And now that I have, it’s time to buck up, put on my big girl pants and get to doing my job.

Please let this work.

“That’s why you don’t go on a reality show to find love, people. Fucking Frank shows up and vomits all over your cats.”

(From a MamaPop recap of last night’s Bachelorette)

I JUST FOUND A WORM IN MY EDAMAME!!!

Excuse me while I go drink a bottle of listerine…

It’s been a few days now since San Jose beat the Detroit Red Wings (in 5 games bitches!) and advanced to the Western Conference Finals for only the second time in franchise history. Last night it was determined that the Sharks would be facing the Chicago Blackhawks. I was hoping for the Vancouver Canucks , but whatever. The thing is though, I watched a tribute video a fan made, and it made my heart swell and brought tears to my eyes. The video consisted only of photos of the players and video of great plays and goals made by the Sharks in the first two rounds. I can’t even blame the music, because I was watching on a break at work and had the volume too low to really hear.

I just LOVE. THIS. TEAM. They are “my boys”, “my Sharks”, “MY team”. A sentiment I know is shared by a legion of fans, and one that frequently surprises me.

I grew up not caring about sports. I was a chubby kid who loved to read. My dad watched football 2-3 days a week, and I HATED it. I was a cheerleader for a couple of years in junior high (I know, right?”) and I did it for the attention the uniform got me, not because I loved to cheer for football. I’ve attended exactly one baseball game in my entire life- A’s vs. Angels, June 1994. There was like, one base hit the entire game until one of the teams won it with a home run in the 9th. BO-RING! I only went because I got free tickets for not cutting school on Senior Cut Day and my friend wanted to go.

All of that changed when I went to my first Sharks game. I loved it. I had fun watching the guys and learning the game. I bought Sharks apparel and stuck a bumper sticker on my car with their logo. And I stuck by my team every post-season, even after they’d gotten knocked out, because they were the my Sharks. One could argue that I like the Sharks only because they’re my hometown team, because I like and follow other teams too. The Chicago Blackhawks, because dude. Bobby Hull’s game sweater. They were the first hockey team I knew. I followed the Toronto Maple Leafs for a while because they had my goalie, my Vesa (Toskala). The Bruins have my hockey boyfriend, Zdeno Chara, but they also have my friend Ray’s favorite player, Marco Sturm, and Marc Savard was on my fantasy team this season. I follow the Capitals because Charlotte does, and keep an eye on the Canucks because they have my beloved Beast, Steve Bernier, and because I have a dear friend who lives in Vancouver.

But the Sharks. They will forever be my team, the team I root for over any of those others listed above, because they’re the team that stirred my passion for this amazing sport that I now play*. I liked them from the moment I saw that first puck drop in a building with 17,000 other fans. I realized how much I truly love this team when I was surprised by how much just a series of images could stir my soul, give me goosebumps and bring tears to my eyes. Do I want them to go all the way this year? Do I think they can? HELLS YES I DO. Buif they don’t, that’s okay too. They’re still gonna be my boys.

*Seriously, that still trips me out. I’ve been playing two years and I still wonder who this chick who plays hockey came from.

I thought maybe this week I’d look to Etsy for some fabulous fashions that don’t support big companies (although Fluevog and ModCloth are both smaller) but instead are handmade. Do you know what I found out? HAMMER PANTS ARE BACK. WTF.

But this top is by tasifashion and I love the colors, the clean lines, and I am a sucker for a hoodie. She’s got some other great stuff in her shop, you should take alook around.