I don’t post about my faith often, but when I do, it’s because it’s who I am and this is my space. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine, but this is my truth and I’m not going to argue with you about it.

Back lo these many years ago, I used to be on my church’s drama team, and I really enjoyed it. Our director wanted us to be able to focus totally and completely on rehearsal and not on the stresses of our daily lives, so she created something called Baggage. Baggage was these cards we’d fill out as soon as we walked in, where we’d write down everything that was weighing on our minds. We’d then place them in a basket. The theory was that by writing it out, we acknowledged that those things were there, we weren’t forgetting them or casting them aside as unimportant, but rather placing them elsewhere for safekeeping. At the end of rehearsal, we’d bring the basket to the center, and we’d pray over them. You could take yours back- sharing wasn’t a requirement- but since Christians are all about praying for each other, I seem to recall that being rare.

It feels like I’ve got a million things on my mind lately, and work is really busy and requires my full attention, so I’m going to attempt to leave things here for the day until I have the time to wrap my head around them again.

I cried myself to sleep last night, just sobbing to God about everything weighing so heavily on my heart, and I woke up feeling vaguely hungover (I’ve never actually HAD a hangover, but I would imagine they feel vaguely like this). I’m sad and angry today. I’m sad at situations that have arisen, at discoveries I have made, and at the way recent days have unfolded. I’m sad that I seem to be back in a place where I’m not trusting God with things. But I’m so angry at Him right now, that I feel like I don’t want to trust. I used to be glad that He guarded my heart and kept me from making decisions that would ultimately lead to regret. But right now I feel like in doing so He is taking away my free will. I’m angry because I think He might have answered a prayer, but not in the way I wanted. I’m angry because if He did answer it, He did it in an incredibly painful way, and I just don’t understand. I’m hurt, and angry, and sad, and it just really sucks.

I’m sitting at my desk right now, needing to be doing about 8 things other than what I’m doing, but taking five minutes to just try and get this out of my head while tears brim in my eyes and I desperately hope my coworkers don’t notice how red they are. And now that I have, it’s time to buck up, put on my big girl pants and get to doing my job.

Please let this work.

“That’s why you don’t go on a reality show to find love, people. Fucking Frank shows up and vomits all over your cats.”

(From a MamaPop recap of last night’s Bachelorette)

I JUST FOUND A WORM IN MY EDAMAME!!!

Excuse me while I go drink a bottle of listerine…

I am incredibly hard on shoes, and really need to wear better ones than I normally do. I’ve started cutting way back on the throwaway trendy shoes in favor of shoes I can walk 40 blocks in SF in, or wear on my bike. I love these because they’re super cute, but are made by Columbia, who is a known provider of quality outdoor gear. I was actually looking up a pair of shoes my roommate has, and Zappos suggested these as being similar. Also, I love that this particular color scheme is called “Mud/Lollipop”.

6/4/10 ETA: In a somewhat circuitous fashion, in a few days I will own these shoes as a birthday gift from a friend. WOOT!!

It’s been a few days now since San Jose beat the Detroit Red Wings (in 5 games bitches!) and advanced to the Western Conference Finals for only the second time in franchise history. Last night it was determined that the Sharks would be facing the Chicago Blackhawks. I was hoping for the Vancouver Canucks , but whatever. The thing is though, I watched a tribute video a fan made, and it made my heart swell and brought tears to my eyes. The video consisted only of photos of the players and video of great plays and goals made by the Sharks in the first two rounds. I can’t even blame the music, because I was watching on a break at work and had the volume too low to really hear.

I just LOVE. THIS. TEAM. They are “my boys”, “my Sharks”, “MY team”. A sentiment I know is shared by a legion of fans, and one that frequently surprises me.

I grew up not caring about sports. I was a chubby kid who loved to read. My dad watched football 2-3 days a week, and I HATED it. I was a cheerleader for a couple of years in junior high (I know, right?”) and I did it for the attention the uniform got me, not because I loved to cheer for football. I’ve attended exactly one baseball game in my entire life- A’s vs. Angels, June 1994. There was like, one base hit the entire game until one of the teams won it with a home run in the 9th. BO-RING! I only went because I got free tickets for not cutting school on Senior Cut Day and my friend wanted to go.

All of that changed when I went to my first Sharks game. I loved it. I had fun watching the guys and learning the game. I bought Sharks apparel and stuck a bumper sticker on my car with their logo. And I stuck by my team every post-season, even after they’d gotten knocked out, because they were the my Sharks. One could argue that I like the Sharks only because they’re my hometown team, because I like and follow other teams too. The Chicago Blackhawks, because dude. Bobby Hull’s game sweater. They were the first hockey team I knew. I followed the Toronto Maple Leafs for a while because they had my goalie, my Vesa (Toskala). The Bruins have my hockey boyfriend, Zdeno Chara, but they also have my friend Ray’s favorite player, Marco Sturm, and Marc Savard was on my fantasy team this season. I follow the Capitals because Charlotte does, and keep an eye on the Canucks because they have my beloved Beast, Steve Bernier, and because I have a dear friend who lives in Vancouver.

But the Sharks. They will forever be my team, the team I root for over any of those others listed above, because they’re the team that stirred my passion for this amazing sport that I now play*. I liked them from the moment I saw that first puck drop in a building with 17,000 other fans. I realized how much I truly love this team when I was surprised by how much just a series of images could stir my soul, give me goosebumps and bring tears to my eyes. Do I want them to go all the way this year? Do I think they can? HELLS YES I DO. Buif they don’t, that’s okay too. They’re still gonna be my boys.

*Seriously, that still trips me out. I’ve been playing two years and I still wonder who this chick who plays hockey came from.

I love love love this skirt. I love how light and airy it looks, and I ADORE all the pintuck and ruffle details. I seem to really like clothes that can dress up or down. I’ve realized I have drawers full of tshirts I never wear, and my “work” shirts get worn with slacks during the week and jeans on the weekends. Even my casual tops are dressier than tshirts. I love that this skirt could be worn with a more casual knit top and a pair of canvas ballet flats, or a crisp blouse and heels. Classic looks and versatility seem to be my thing.

I thought maybe this week I’d look to Etsy for some fabulous fashions that don’t support big companies (although Fluevog and ModCloth are both smaller) but instead are handmade. Do you know what I found out? HAMMER PANTS ARE BACK. WTF.

But this top is by tasifashion and I love the colors, the clean lines, and I am a sucker for a hoodie. She’s got some other great stuff in her shop, you should take alook around.

Found these Fluevog Sweet Peas when looking for the Mary Janes posted below. How fun are these? They’d be super cute with jeans and a solid colored sweater for an out and about Saturday, or even with a cute dress or skirt and a pair of tights for church… Okay, maybe not church with that sole, but you could totally pair them with a sassy LBD (Little Black Dress) and a hot pink cardi to hit the bars on Saturday night! Also available in black with white piping, but the pink ones are so much more fun!

Well, without really trying, the first four days of daily fashion have given a complete outfit. You could totally wear all these pieces together. So I guess it’s only fitting to end the week with a bag. Oh, the Hermes Birkin (I couldn’t find it on Hermes’ site, oddly, so you get the Wikipedia entry on it). I have coveted this purse since I learned of its existence. I will never ever own one though, unless I marry VERY well indeed. It comes with a pricetag that is usually upwards of $10,000, even used. I mean, the thing has its own Wikipedia entry, ferfuxake! But it’s preeeeetttttyyy…

If I ever scraped together the $239 price tag, these Mailbran mary janes by Fluevog would likely be my daily wear shoes. They come in 7 colors, and I covet 3 of them (this wine, gray, and olive), like a fourth (turquoise), and would covet the black except I don’t like the brown heel with the black shoe. Looks weird. I’d normally stick a shoe over $200 in the “more money than sense” category, but these can be re-heel-capped, and are made to last a good long time. They’re not throwaway trendy for that kind of money.