I completed my first 10K today (That medal is incomplete. It’s missing the surfer charm that says 10K on it, and that’s a half marathon lanyard. They ran out of 10K medals but I threatened to cry (I was dead last in the 10K, but dammit I finished) so the guy gave me an unfinished placeholder until they can mail me one). It’s not something I would have thought possible a year ago. I don’t think it’s something I would have done had my life gone the way I thought it would last year.

13 months ago this week my life changed in ways I never saw coming. Facing a move I didn’t want to make due to structural damage in my apartment, I seriously contemplated a move to Austin, Texas, from my current home in the SF Bay Area. There were many reasons to consider Austin, the main ones being that the cost of living is much lower there and I’d have Caryn (and family) and Keegan to cushion the blow of leaving the familiar. I flew out, interviewed for jobs, and was a dream candidate for one of the placement agencies I met with, who assured me they’d have a job for me when I arrived. But I still didn’t know what I wanted. Well, that’s not entirely true, I knew what I wanted, I just didn’t think I could afford it. It’s pricey to live here.

I came back, still not knowing what I was going to tell my boss. We had a conversation about salary- what I could make in Texas vs. staying at my job and what it would cost for me to continue to live here- which would require a substantial raise. His response to to my statement had me sure I was Texas bound. But then he opened his mouth and offered me something I never knew I wanted, and it was clear I was meant to stay.

Fast forward nearly a year and I’ve finished schooling my promotion required, joined a gym to try and lose the weight I’ve needed to lose for ages, and reconnected with an old friend who keeps getting me to sign up for these events… we did our first 5K in July, our first 10K today, and we’re signed up to do our first half marathon in May. We may even run a good chunk of it.

If I had moved to Texas, I think my life would be good and I would be happy. I’d miss family and friends here, but I would not have missed Caryn’s son’s entire first year- my one true regret about not moving there. But I would still be an admin. And I think I’d spend most of my time on my couch or someone else’s, hiding indoors from the Texas heat. There would have been no Color Run, and certainly no 10K by the ocean in my hometown with my oldest friend (we haven’t always been close but I’ve known Jen since I was a baby). Possibly not even a gym membership.

I am so blessed to have the life I have right now, at this moment, and to have been given this opportunity to to take control of my health on the path I’m currently on.

The Road to Half

Once upon a time, I used to post to this blog regularly. Then my mom found it and I apparently ran out of things to say. Until then, this space was filled with random life stuff, and I liked it that way.

When I decided to try to lose some weight, because I really needed to, I didn’t want this space to get totally overwhelmed by food and fitness, so I started a second blog, The Road to Half. Then it fell by the wayside when my efforts derailed.

Several times.

I’m back on the road again, and got inspired by Ben Does Life to blog it. Then I thought to myself “but you barely have time for the rest of your hobbies, and your boss would not be happy if he found out he was paying you to blog.” and there went that idea.

But then I read more of Ben’s story and kind of got mad. He lost 73 pounds in 3 months. Which is so totally awesome for him. But sometimes it feels really unfair that men seem to lose weight faster than women. My friend’s husband lost 50 pounds in the time it took for her to lose 20. I’ve been busting my ass at the gym for 2 months and I’ve lost just shy of 15 pounds. The point though is that Ben Does Life has inspired a LOT of people. He’s inspired ME. He started at 360 pounds and is now around 240 (he’s almost 6 feet tall). He’s run several marathons.

I thought maybe I’d start a tumblr page and blog about my journey. But I have this perfectly serviceable blog right here that has been dormant for a long time. So here I write.

When I started the “Road to Half” blog I mentioned above, I was around 340 pounds, and to get to my goal weight of 170, I needed to lose literally half of myself. It’s a bit more than half now.

I am saying publicly for the first time that my highest recorded weight, when I joined Weight Watchers in January of 2011, was 376. I’m around 362 today. I could have worked harder on the diet part, but I didn’t. I probably could have pushed myself to go to the gym, but I didn’t. I played hockey, but still ate enough calories that it didn’t make me lose weight.

I’m still reading the first months of Ben’s blog, which means I have about 3 years of posts left to read if I want to catch up on the whole thing. He didn’t do it overnight, but he worked out for what appears to be hours every day and made drastic changes to his diet. He was a student at the time and so he had a bit more free time than I do. What he did for his life, and what he’s doing for others is amazing.

I thought that I’d document my journey since I will walk the same path, hopefully with similar results, but in a completely different manner. Women lose weight differently than men. I have demands on my time. I’m older.

But I can do this.

It is time.

Life List

Certain to be updated, but wanted to put these here for now…

Marry someone amazing
Achieve and maintain a healthy weight
See a Broadway show ON a Broadway stage
Spend a few days just wandering around New York
Go to Maine with Laura
See the Mona Lisa
Knit 100 miles of yarn
Knit 100 sweaters
Knit 1000 hats (18/1000)
Visit Greece, Italy, Austria, Germany, New Zealand, Australia, England, Scotland, Ireland, Tahiti and Patagonia
Spend a week at an all inclusive resort somewhere warm and surrounded by water
Learn to surf


Wow, so y’all have quite different taste in music I guess… Here are the songs from the previous post. You should check them out, they’re good!

1. Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
2. Alejandro – Lady Gaga
4. Love in America – JTX
5. Animal – Neon Trees
7. Don’t Rain on My Parade – Glee (I know this is Streisand from Funny Girl, but the one on my ‘pod is Glee)
8. And the World Turned – Gabe Dixon Band
9. Secrets – One Republic
10. Home – Goo Goo Dolls
11. Love the Way you Lie – Eminem
12. The Time – Black Eyed Peas
13. Waiting for the End – Linkin Park
14. Leave a Light On – David Cook
15. Raise Your Glass – Pink
16. Last Night – Good Charlotte
17. Firework – Katy Perry
18. The Man Who Can’t Be Moved – The Script
19. Club Can’t Handle Me – Flo Rida
20. Come Back to Me – David Cook

Lyrics meme, sort of

I’ve done this post before- set mp3s to random, post a couple of lines, and you all guess the song and artist. I changed it up a little in that I’ve been acquiring a lot of new music lately, so this is from my purchase history on my phone. Downloaded between mid-summer and two days ago, it’s what I’m diggin on right now… But just because it’s a recent download doesn’t mean it’s not an older song. That’s the only clue I’ll give, and google is cheating…

Have fun!

1. I hear you’re asking all around… If I am anywhere to be found…

2. All those flames that burned before him… now he’s gonna fire fight… got to cool the bad

3. Now the days are so long… that summer’s moving on...

4. Ain’t gonna get no sleep… the buttons on your Levis about to come loose

5. Hush, hush the world is quiet… Hush, hush we both can’t fight it…

6. I came to my senses… let go of my defenses…

7. Oh, life is juicy, juicy and you see I gotta have my bite, sir.

8. She imagined how the current would overtake her… how easy it would be to disappear…

9. Til’ all my sleeves are stained red… With all the truth that I’ve said…

10. I think I found the perfect words to say… the sattelite transmits my voice…

11. You get to watch her leave… out the window guess that’s why they call it window pane

12. I don’t wanna take no pictures… I just wanna take some shots

13. And I don’t even know what kind of things I said… My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead…

14. When the signal keeps on breaking up… when the wires cross in my brain… you’ll start my heart again when I come along

15. Party Crasher, Penny Snatcher, Call me up if you want gangsta…

16. There’s a note left on the table… and all it says is “thanks”

17. If you only knew what the future holds… after a hurricane comes a rainbow

18. People talk about a guy who’s waiting on a girl… there are no holes in his shoes… but a big hole in his world

19. I said it. Go tell it. Confetti. Who ready? I’m ready! You ready! Lets get it!

20. I can’t fix you… I can’t save you… it’s something you have to do


So, the fashion a day thing didn’t work. I miss this blog and writing but I just feel like I never have time for it anymore. I rarely tweet anymore either. But I’m not ready to be done with this space. I’ve collected a few questions from friends to try and spur me to write again. For those of you still out there reading this, thanks for hanging in with me.

I’m going to try a 30 prompt thing I stole from Caryn (who in turn stole it from someone else so please forgive me if you are the originator of this list and I have not credited you) and see if I can’t post at least once a week or so.

Trying an old trick

I don’t post about my faith often, but when I do, it’s because it’s who I am and this is my space. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine, but this is my truth and I’m not going to argue with you about it.

Back lo these many years ago, I used to be on my church’s drama team, and I really enjoyed it. Our director wanted us to be able to focus totally and completely on rehearsal and not on the stresses of our daily lives, so she created something called Baggage. Baggage was these cards we’d fill out as soon as we walked in, where we’d write down everything that was weighing on our minds. We’d then place them in a basket. The theory was that by writing it out, we acknowledged that those things were there, we weren’t forgetting them or casting them aside as unimportant, but rather placing them elsewhere for safekeeping. At the end of rehearsal, we’d bring the basket to the center, and we’d pray over them. You could take yours back- sharing wasn’t a requirement- but since Christians are all about praying for each other, I seem to recall that being rare.

It feels like I’ve got a million things on my mind lately, and work is really busy and requires my full attention, so I’m going to attempt to leave things here for the day until I have the time to wrap my head around them again.

I cried myself to sleep last night, just sobbing to God about everything weighing so heavily on my heart, and I woke up feeling vaguely hungover (I’ve never actually HAD a hangover, but I would imagine they feel vaguely like this). I’m sad and angry today. I’m sad at situations that have arisen, at discoveries I have made, and at the way recent days have unfolded. I’m sad that I seem to be back in a place where I’m not trusting God with things. But I’m so angry at Him right now, that I feel like I don’t want to trust. I used to be glad that He guarded my heart and kept me from making decisions that would ultimately lead to regret. But right now I feel like in doing so He is taking away my free will. I’m angry because I think He might have answered a prayer, but not in the way I wanted. I’m angry because if He did answer it, He did it in an incredibly painful way, and I just don’t understand. I’m hurt, and angry, and sad, and it just really sucks.

I’m sitting at my desk right now, needing to be doing about 8 things other than what I’m doing, but taking five minutes to just try and get this out of my head while tears brim in my eyes and I desperately hope my coworkers don’t notice how red they are. And now that I have, it’s time to buck up, put on my big girl pants and get to doing my job.

Please let this work.


I am incredibly hard on shoes, and really need to wear better ones than I normally do. I’ve started cutting way back on the throwaway trendy shoes in favor of shoes I can walk 40 blocks in SF in, or wear on my bike. I love these because they’re super cute, but are made by Columbia, who is a known provider of quality outdoor gear. I was actually looking up a pair of shoes my roommate has, and Zappos suggested these as being similar. Also, I love that this particular color scheme is called “Mud/Lollipop”.

6/4/10 ETA: In a somewhat circuitous fashion, in a few days I will own these shoes as a birthday gift from a friend. WOOT!!