Stupid Judy Tricks


(AIM conversation between Keegan and I last week sometime)
judy: oops, sorry bout the caps, but they’re slightly appropriate
keegan: you mean charlie?
judy: no
judy: charlie is gone
keegan: oh
keegan: awww
keegan: what happened?
judy: okay, well usually the mailguy comes in, and practically throws the mail at me, like it has to be IN my hands before he can leave but he’s in a hurry
judy: it’s taken me a month to train him to just put it down
judy: so today, I was coming back from the bathroom, he almost ran into me with his little cart, and he’s all, “oh. oh sorry”
keegan: ja
judy: and I kinda go “uh huh” and keep going, and he goes, “hey, can I just give you your mail?”
judy: and I’m thinking, “no you lazy fuck. do your job and bring it to my suite!”
keegan: lol
judy: but instead I said, “yeah, I guess so, but we have outgoing too”
judy: so he hands me our mail, then follows me into the suite
keegan: that bastard!
judy: ugh
judy: but I love Brad
judy: he sent me angry music
judy: and I’m listening to it
keegan: hot
keegan: no wonder you’re fiesty
(long pause)
judy: hey, do you have a salad spinner?
keegan: nope
judy: :-\
judy: k
keegan: but you could strap the lettuce to my radiator and the fan would dry it.
keegan: lol
judy: lol
judy: I don’t need to dry lettuce
keegan: might be a bit greasy tho
keegan: you don need no stinking dry lettuce?
judy: I need to drain canned vegetables and get as much juice out as possible
judy: no!
judy: I don’t *need* *no* stinking dry lettuce!
judy: rofl
keegan: lol
keegan: 🙂
judy: we’re in rare form today
(another pause)
keegan: <<---making coffee icecream judy: making ice cream? keegan: ja judy: yummy keegan: shirazeh sent me a cute ice cream maker for my bday. judy: cool keegan: ja keegan: it's cute. judy: because we all know "cute" is an essential ingredient of a successful ice cream maker

The last half hour

We’re out of coffee here in the office. My coworker (J2) and I decided to go get coffee from the little cafe downstairs. My other coworker (J3) wanted stuff too, but had to get her wallet out of her car. When she came back, I was on the phone with a client. J2 and J3 started talking about bacon. Loudly. Standing at my desk. I had to shush them so I could hear.
J2 and I finally got downstairs, where I got the last cup of coffee, and we had to wait for the cafe owner to make more. He’s nice, but he’s a smartass who gives us crap all the time. I had my coffee, and ordered up a bacon bagel and a hot chocolate for J3. We were a little giddy/loopy in the cafe, but the real fun started at the elevators.
We both had our hands full, so J2 turned and hit the call button with her elbow. Then, inside the elevator, I swung my foot up and hit the floor button with my toe. The giggling got louder. It was at that moment we wodered how we’d open the office door. Our door opens out into the hall, rather than into the suite. I joked the we should kick the door and yell for J3 to let us in, which made us laugh harder. We got to the door, and I, in my crazy giggly state, decided to use my foot. Wearing shoes. I got the handle down (it’s a bar rather than a knob) but had no way to get a grip on it to pull it open. Three men were coming out of the suite next to ours, saw us both with our hands full and giggling like lunatics, and opened our suite door for us. J3 was standing at the door to her office, trying to figure out what as going on in the hall without actually opening the door and looking. When she saw that it was us she started laughing too.
We stood around giggling for several minutes, aided by what was at the time a mysterious picture of Brad’s lunch until the fateful moment when the phone rang. The Boss was out of the office (hence not totally stifling the gigglefest), and it was a friend/client of his on the phone. Unfortunately, I could not keep from laughing when I answered the phone. She was not amused. Right as I hung up the call, Boss came back. And when he got off the phone from returning that call, I got a stern look and an admonishment that I need to be professional when answering the phone.
I don’t think he was really all that mad, as it’s not like I laugh at our clients on a regular basis, (at least not while on the phone) but it could have been really bad if it was one of our crazy and or angry clients calling.