Longtime followers of my blog may know that I struggle with compulsive overeating. I had the following conversation with Rock Star Mommy back in August, and I thought I’d post it here in case it might help anyone was Googling. Also, I normally hate the term “COE” because it feels like a cop out. If you’re going to admit you have a problem, own it. I tend to use it in IM though because it’s a heck of a lot faster to type.
me: can I ask you a personal question?
RSM: yeah, shoot
me: as someone who has recovered from anorexia, does it offend you when people refer to compulsive overeating as an “eating disorder”?
RSM: No, not at all. It’s 100% an eating disorder
RSM: I was in hospitals a few times for it, eating disorder units, and there were always compulsive overeaters with us
RSM: Men, too
RSM: The stereotypes of eating disorders are just flat out wrong
me: wow. I had no idea
RSM: And I always felt bad for the overeaters rather than the others, actually, because they felt SO judged, ya know?
me: I mean, there are easily as many men in OA with me as women, I just meant the hospital part
me: yeah, I do know…
RSM: and this one time in group therapy, I was complaining about how everyone calls me “crazy” for my disorder
me: and this one woman says, “Yeah, well, at least they don’t call you crazy AND fat”
me: I just always felt weird referring to it as an eating disorder because it doesn’t seem as drastic or serious as the others, but really, in the long term it is, but when you learn about them in school, they don’t mention COE
RSM: Oh, I think it’s just as drastic and serious – it’s just in an entirely different direction
RSM: it’s just a way of handling your issues and life, etc, through food.
RSM: it’s just that some people choose to do it through starving, some do it through over eating
RSM: I really see it as being identical underneath
me: that’s a good perspective, thank you.
me: It’s a question I’ve been wanting to ask of someone for a while, but, well, you can’t just go up to anyone and ask that, you know?

Tired once again, but this time for different reasons. Went to the adult skate at Sharks Ice, which which seems to have become a weekly routine. It was just Dee and I tonight, as Chad had a meeting and Charlotte had a game. Nicky finally got her skates over the weekend but still needs to get her knee braces. I think I logged more ice time than ever- there were still a few breaks to rest my aching feet, but not as many.
There’s a man I’ve seen there every Tuesday who pushes a baby in a stroller or carries him in a Bjorn- his wife is a figure skater and he goes to watch/support her- who came up and told me that he’s seen me every week and that he can tell I’m improving. I almost didn’t go because I’ve been cranky, and now my back and knees are sore, but I’m glad I went.
We worked on transitions and hockey stops, and while I can kinda sorta hockey stop, ie, I’ve stopped crashing into the wall, and I can turn around, it’s not really a transition because I lose my momentum and end up just going the direction I turned in. Charlotte and Dee’s coach from their hockey class, WaWa, is apparently for saying “If you aren’t falling, you aren’t trying hard enough”. Thing is, I’m actually terrified of falling down, even though I wear pads. I probably came the closest to falling I ever have last night, both trying to do c-cuts, and when I was coming around a corner, but I think that was blade slippage and not me trying to do anything fancy. I need to get my skates sharpened.

So, I feel like I’m posting every day because NaNloPoMo is making me, but that they’re short because I have to post when I don’t feel like saying anything. Tonight is no exception. It has been a long day, with more up and down emotions than usual, and coming off of a weekend of saying goodbye to my friends, tonight I find myself bone-weary. I think the second I see my bed (good thing I brought my laptop downstairs before dinner) I will be asleep. So, goodnight. Sleep well.

It’s been an exhausting day. I was out with Heather, Brian and the kids for the weekend, because they’re moving cross country on Friday. I didn’t realize quite how much I’d miss them until I was driving away this morning. It’s like, they lived several hours away, and I didn’t see them all that often, but I knew that I could if I really wanted to. Having to fly to see them makes it hit home that I can’t just go visit at the drop of a hat anymore. I’m happy that they have this opportunity, but I miss them already.

I’ll write a real entry today, but I’ll be away from internet access until tomorrow afternoon, so I’ll post a real entry then.

It’s 5pm on a Friday. I’m young and single. All I want to do right now is go home and go to bed.

So, last year I signed up for NaBloPoMo because I hoped it would help me get into the habit of posting more often. It worked, to a point, except that for all of 2007 I’ve been doing a 365 on flickr and that’s sort of killed my posting here. So, let’s try again, shall we?