Starbucks Really is the Root of all Evil: A one-act play

Scene 1: A suburban living room on a Sunday evening. Judy sits in front of her laptop while Project Runway plays from the Tivo in the background. On the desk next to her, a cell phone rings.
Judy: Hello?
Charlotte: COFFEE!
Judy: What?
Charlotte: COFFEE!
Judy: Where are you?
Charlotte: On 280, headed for your house.
Judy: Um… okay?
Charlotte: Yay!
Judy: Where?
Charlotte: Starbucks by your house?
Judy: Okay.
Judy: I think maybe you’ve had enough coffee…..
Charlotte: NEVER! Never enough coffee!
Judy: Um, you’re kinda scaring me.
Charlotte: Okay, see you soon. COFFEE!
Scene 2: Starbucks coffee. A sign on the wall advertizes “Fruit Blend Frappucino” in Pomegranate and Tangerine.
Judy: Hmm, I like pomegranate. I think I’ll try that.
Charlotte: COFFEE!
Judy: Okay okay. You get coffee. I will get frappucino.
(they get to the front of the line to order their drinks)
Charlotte: Vanilla nonfat latte please.
Barista: What size?
Charlotte: The middle one.
Barista: Grande.
Charlotte: Yes. Grande. (under her breath) coffee coffee coffee coffee….
Judy: (to Barista) How is the pomegranate frappucino?
Barista: It’s my favorite of the two.
Judy: Okay, a pomegranate frappucino please. Grande.
(Judy and Charlotte cross to pickup bar and only have to wait a brief moment for their drinks)
Charlotte: (happily) coffee coffee coffee coffee….
Scene 3: Outside Starbucks. Judy takes a small sip of her drink.
Judy: Mmm. This is kind of good.
Charlotte: I wanted to let you make your own decision, because I tried one of those and it was the grossest thing I’d ever tasted.
(as she is talking, Judy takes a larger sip and makes a face)
Charlotte: It sort of steals all the moisture from your mouth and then spits it back at you, and not in a good way.
(Judy has had several more sips of her drink, realizing that it gets progressively worse with every sip)
Judy: It tastes like chewing on a teabag. (takes sip, makes face)
(this continues for a few minutes as they chat- sip, grimace. sip, grimace. until finally Judy decides she is getting a different drink)
Scene 4: Inside Starbucks. Judy waits in line and gets up to the counter.
Barista: Back so soon?
Judy: Yes. (places drink on counter) This is kind of awful.
Barista: I know.
(Beat. Beat.)
Judy: You know? You said it was your favorite.
Barista: Of the two.
Judy: I can’t believe you let me think it was good. I’d like a blackberry green tea frappucino please. Grande, no whip.
(takes out her wallet to pay)
Barista: Don’t worry about it. I’ll just get rid of this. (takes pomegranate drink and throws it away)
Scene 5: Outside Starbucks
Charlotte: So what did you say?
Judy: I said it was kind of awful, and she said “I know”.
Charlotte: Really? She did?
Judy: Uh huh. But she didn’t charge me for this new drink, so that’s good at least.
(Judy and Charlotte drink their beverages and people watch for a while)

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