Everybody does it

Everybody Googles people they know or used to know, to see if they can come up with anything. Today I googled a guy I used to know, who went to my church, and I knew he would come up because he was a model and an actor. And I found a lot more than I bargained for. I found out that Brian killed himself six months ago.
I remember the day I was walking through the mall (about 5 years ago) and there was this huge picture of a shirtless Brian in the window of Abercrombie and Fitch, and I was like, “hey- I know that guy!” I remember the birthday party I was at when we all gossiped about the fact that he had posed nude (not full frontal) in a gay men’s magazine, and I remember being disgusted by these people who would judge him because of that. I said “Come on guys, he’s still Brian. He’s a model, and a magazine cover? That’s huge. We should be offering him our congratulations, not our condemnation”
I hadn’t seen him in years. The last time I saw him was right after everyone at our church had found out about the magazine spread. I guess there were a lot of questions about his sexuality. I say, “who the fuck cares? He’s our friend and our brother and it shouldn’t matter.” But it did. it mattered to a lot of people. The year he posed in Instinct, he wanted to be in the Christmas play at church. A lot of people didn’t want him to. Why? He’s a model. Models pose where they can get jobs. Apparently he posed in Playgirl too, later on (I’m kinda sorry I missed that, but it would have been weird since I know him).
I left that church about the time the Instinct spread came out, and any time I asked about him in the following years, no one seemed to know what he was up to. So yesterday I found out another guy I know is modeling, and got curious enough that I googled Brian, just for kicks. And I am deeply saddened by what happened to him. He was a beautiful person, and I don’t just mean on the outside.

Brian Leo Bianchini
July 16, 1978 – March 16, 2004

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