The following entry is all about female bodily functions and mishaps. Once I got over the mortification factor, it actually became kind of funny, but if things like periods and tampons freak you out, do not click the “more” link. And if you do click the more link, don’t blame me if it squicks you out, you’ve been warned.

WARNING – NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!!

Before my reunion, right at the time I should have been showering and getting dressed, I got to go to the emergency room instead. I was about to get in the shower, and I decided to change my tampon first. But the little string wasn’t there. I couldn’t find it. I freaked out, and called Sarah, who is a CNA. Sarah was at Ida’s wedding rehearsal. I had to make her go into another room where there were no people, and told her what was up. She told me if I couldn’t find it I was going to have to go to the emergency room, because Bad Things ™ can happen – it can make you really really sick. So, I trotted myself off to the emergency room.
I walk in, and to all appearances I’m totally fine- no broken bone, totally healthy, no visible blood… and walk up to the counter and say, “Hi, Um, I have an emergency” and she askes what it is, I give her this look and whisper “I think I lost a tampon, you know, inside…” and she just gives me the same look back and says “okay, come around the corner to the triage station and the nurse will meet you there”
So then I get my vitals taken by the triage nurse and get to tell, yet again, why I’m there. I’m very surprised that my blood pressure was normal, with how freaked/stressed I was about the situation. I told her that I was supposed to be getting ready for my 10 year highschool reunion, and didn’t it just figure that this would happen now.
Then, I got to go around another corner and talk to the intake nurse, who entered all of my information into the computer and got me “admitted” (to the emergency room, not the hospital) That conversation went like this:
Male Nurse: Name?
Me: Judy
MN: Do you have insurance?
Me: Yes. *hands him the card*
MN: Address
Me: *gives address*
MN: Phone Number?
Me: *gives phone number*
MN: Are you employed?
Me: Yes.
MN: Employer?
Me: *Gives employer*
MN: Why are you here today? *glances at triage form* O-kay!
Me: *embarrassed laugh*
MN: You laughed. I didn’t!
Me: Tell me that this is not incredibly uncommon.
MN: (looks at me with a total deadpan expression) All kinds of things, in all kinds of places. Don’t worry about it.
He then took me to one of the rooms and said a doctor would be in shortly. That was one of the nice things about this emergency room, it wasn’t a big room compartmented off with curtains, like the ER at Kaiser, it was actual separate rooms. So the doctor came in, with the triage nurse, and they were both really nice so beyond the embarrassment factor I wasn’t super uncomfortable (well, as “not uncomfortable” as one can be with a doctor looking for something inside that part of your body…). I just tried to relax and breathe and not think about what was happening below my waist. The nurse tried to distract me by asking what color I was wearing that night, and the doctor asked what I was doing and I said “high school reunion” and he said he’d do his best to get me out of there quickly. My answer to what color I was wearing was “same color as my toenails, which led to compliments on my pedicure. Apparently this sort of thing is not at all uncommon, which made me feel al little bit better.
So, bottom line was, he couldn’t find anything, and he “got a good look”. Lovely. So, consensus is it managed to come out on its own at some point, which means I may have inadvertently damaged the plumbing at Ida’s house. So, I was released and given instructions to follow up with my OBGYN if I had any further problems. Bleh.
So, that was my fun day.